Things are quiet. Very quiet.
It's kind of nice. ^^ I go to work and then come home and play with my now four kittens who are amazingly beautiful. Then I sleep and repeat.
I like this. There's no drama. No angst. Just things are plain and content.
I've found somewhere to wear my Kimono too.
So I'm happy and content. Yay for me.
Going through a lot of changes.
Kaori's taking me back to America with her. For a week or so.
I love her so much. And I'll get to baby-sit Wind.
That makes me happy.
My hair's faded already, so I'll be going back to natural. I'll look funny with black hair, but I guess.
I know I shouldn't be holding all this back. She's getting me help.
Not that it will work...
I know you want me to stay.
I know I need you.
I know you need me.
I know we need eachother.
But I need to run away.
I'm not going to be able to be who you want me to be. If I'm near you right now.
I'm not well.
Not in any sense.
I love you.
But I can't. I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry.
I want someone to slap me.
I think I need it.
I'm more lucky than I deserve.
Why can't I see this?
Claire's coming today. I've missed her so much. My little bear.
Better start on the top floor...
How could I betray. I hate. This. Shell. It's desires.
I escaped from you. Because you were hurting me.
Your nails. Your teeth. I'm bleeding again and it's not of my own doing.
The knife. You're crueler than I remember. Maybe because I'm so fucked up.
I need help. Someone. Help me. Please. I can't be this anymore. Please.
I'm trapped in this pretty cage you've made for me. Butterflies float by freely, making me lust for the freedom I can't have. I'm bound to you. Through the marks on my skin. The shiny scarring, which only you remember to see.
But I'm breaking free. I'll never see you again. Not after this. Never again after this.
How could you?
I've gone early. Packed everything I need to get away. Toshio's waiting to take me. He pity's me. Poor little slave boy. I'll wait for you Kikasa...if you still want to know me...There's a letter for you.
I'm so sorry...
Oh yes you've always been a fool.
Don't worry honey...I'm doing enough self loathing for the both of us.
The elegant movement of purging all that's wrong with me through the blood in my veins.
I'd be cutting right now if I hadn't promised.
I wish I hadn't promised.
Such a screw up...
Why are you gone? Why did you do this to me? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I love you.
I made the wrong choice and I want to erase the past.
I'm drowning. Drowning. Sinking and I'm covered in your blood. Even though you said. No matter what you said.
I'm sorry I'm so sorry. You aren't around to forgive me and I can't bear that.
I hate you. I love you...
Please...I'm begging you...come back to me...Please...I said I'd never beg again. But I always break my promises...
Can't I be who I used to be?
Swallowed up in the regret of it all.
Lies all Lies and the voices they scream and it's tearing me apart and I can't let go and I'll never let go and I'll never be able to change and heal enough for you.
I'm Sorry. How pathetic of me?
I just can't. I just can't do this anymore.
Oh my god...
I think I like...sewed two of my fingers together making this thing.
It is pretty though.
I hope he likes it when he see's it.
So...Uruha...unusually hyper ne?
Pain killers + No sleep for 40 hours = Hyper activity...strangly enough...
I think I'm gunna go and pass out or something...
Listen to some heavy metal while I'm at it...
I'll be on the couch...with the kittens...because they seem to like heavy metal too.
I will go to work tomorrow...
Klaha came by...before he left...it's beautiful, just...so...beautiful, you remembered...thank you so much...I'll wear it close...always...
I hold so much treasure around my neck...so many memories...
Ahh...I'm crying again...I'm gone...my kittens await...